Find out who you aren’t.
One of the things I’m most passionate about in therapy is supporting people in living their most authentic lives. Discovering who you are and living in your truth is the bravest most fulfilling way to live your life. That process, however, can feel overwhelming. Which brings me to the point of this post, to find out who you are, you also need to find out who you aren’t. That’s also an important piece of the self-discovery puzzle, sometimes it’s even the easier place to start. Sometimes you know more of what you don’t want, than what you do and that can be really valuable information. Knowing who you aren’t can be a guide for who you might be. Think of it as the process of elimination.
Let me give you an example to help this make sense. Let’s say you get bored easily and you hate being bored. When you get bored, you feel restless, irritable, and tired. So we know you aren’t someone who does well with empty boring time. Now we use this information to learn something about you. If we know you hate being bored, then we might deduce that you are someone who enjoys activity! Maybe you are adventurous, like to explore, creative, energetic, intelligent, playful, or rambunctious. Maybe it means that you enjoy stimulation. Knowing this might lead you to planning more time for experiences, activities, learning new things, and having easy access to creative outlets. Creating more structure in your life might help alleviate extended periods of boredom. From this you could draw the conclusion that you need a job that excites you and boredom, no matter the other benefits of the job, will slowly drain your soul. The possibilities are endless! My point in this example is sometimes working backwards can be really beneficial because you are starting with more information. So, who are you not?
Questions to ponder.
What are the first three things that come to mind about who you aren’t?
What do those three things tell you about yourself?
How can you use that information to find out three aspects of who you are?
